Guns and Garland: A Guide to the Top Ten Essential Christmas-Themed Action Films of the ’80s/’90s By Jesse Striewski

When it comes to modern action films, I’m so far out of touch with what’s going on these days that many would probably find it laughable. But for my money, I’ll take the near-perfection that was produced in that beloved decade we call the ’80s (and also spilled over into much of the ’90s) over the uber fast-paced and often mindless romps that pass as “action” cinema these days.

Along with the horror genre, there was simply something so exciting and appealing being a kid in the ’80s when coming across that elusive, forbidden R-rated tape in your older brother’s VHS collection. And there was just something even more relate-able when that R-rated flick, often filled with gratuitous sex and violence, contained the themes of the Christmas season in its backdrop.

Over the years Rewind It has no doubt done similar pieces on horror-based and/or more obscure holiday films, but this is the first one dedicated solely to the “tough guys” of the ’80s and early ’90s (some other honorable mentions that didn’t quite make the list also include Night of the Comet (1984) and Batman Returns (1992), excluded for the sake of trying to stay within the more classic “shoot ’em up” variety action flick. So kick off your shoes, spike that eggnog, and enjoy…

10. Dead Bang (1989):

By 1989, Don Johnson was a bona-fide star thanks in part to the hit show Miami Vice, and on paper his first shot as leading man in a feature film should’ve been just as big of a hit. But Dead Bang, based on the real life story of LASD Jerry Beck’s pursuit of revenge of a fellow Sheriff’s Deputy’s murder, was more “dead” in the water than a “bang.”

The film actually starts off promising, with Beck’s fellow officer being mysteriously killed in his home on Christmas Eve (hence the holiday connection). But what could’ve been a strong cat-and-mouse hunt, quickly gets muddled down by themes of white supremacy and hate crimes that leads up to an unrealistic one-man showdown. Skip it unless totally desperate.

Penelope Ann Miller listening to Don Johnson ramble on in a scene from 1989’s Dead Bang.

9. I Come in Peace (1990):

Also known in some territories as Dark Angel (the film’s original title), this is one I only vaguely remember after catching scenes from it on cable at a friend’s house back in the day. Basically Dolph Lundgren plays a vice cop in Texas already up to his neck dealing with violent drug crimes when a dealer literally from another world comes to ruin his Christmas cheer.

I wish there was more I could say on behalf of this feature, but it’s been so long there’s not much I even remember now. Perhaps time for a revisiting of the film myself.

8. Cobra (1986):

Sylvester Stallone plays LAPD Lt. Marion “Cobra” Cobretti in this over-the-top ’80s vehicle that’s heavier on hits than it is heart (or plot for that matter). Brigitte Nielsen plays the fashion model who witnesses some serious crimes committed by a dangerous cult, leading to be put under Cobra’s protective care (during the holiday season too, nonetheless).

Watch for the supermarket shootout scene towards the beginning of the film – a definite highlight along with the 1950 Mercury Stallone sports in the film (and of course Nielsen’s famous long legs at the time too, naturally!).

7. Maniac Cop 2 (1990):

Granted more on the horror than action side, this gritty, direct-to-video sequel to 1988’s Maniac Cop once again finds the late Robert Z’Dar as the titular anti-hero on a rampage in New York City during Christmas time.

The cast is actually rounded out nicely, with Robert Davi, Claudia Christian, Bruce Campbell, and Michael Lerner all appearing in roles and doing their best to put an end to the killing spree. This is also the only film to the best of my memory that actually features pole dancing at a strip club on Christmas; that alone deserves a spot on this list.

Paula Trickey prior to spreading some adult yuletide cheer in 1990’s Maniac Cop 2.

6. Die Hard 2 (1990):

In the spirit of “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” Die Hard 2 (a.k.a. Die Harder) takes what the original did so well and moves Bruce Willis from a building to an airport, fighting ruthless terrorists with evil agendas on Christmas Eve.

This is standard early – ’90s action viewing with blockbuster written all over it, and even features a pre-Terminator 2 Robert Patrick, as well as a young John Leguizamo. While the original Die Hard will always get the most recognition as a Christmas movie, there’s no doubt the first sequel in the franchise is just as worthy of a winter’s watch.

5. Rocky IV (1985):

Going all the way back to the 1976 original, the Rocky films have never been distant from holiday fare, with the first two films centering around Thanksgiving (in fact, the only one I can really think of without some sort of mention of a holiday is 1982’s Rocky III). But by 1985’s Rocky IV, there was no denying the Christmas connection, with the main event taking place on Christmas day itself.

Sylvester Stallone had perfected the role of the “Italian Stallion” by this point, and Dolph Lundgren as his nemesis Ivan Drago is at his menacing best as the two prepare for their bout in the USSR. And there’s no doubt this entry contains not one, but two of the greatest montages spawned by an ’80s movie (how can you go wrong with the famous shot of Syl screaming “Dragooo!!!” from the top of a mountain at the end of the latter one?).

I also contemplated putting another PG-rated hit in this very same slot, 1984’s The Karate Kid, but decided against it after remembering a large portion of it was also set during Halloween in addition to Christmas.

4. Invasion U.S.A. (1985):

Chuck Norris. Terrorists trying to take over America during Christmas. Need I say more? This was one of those Cannon films often played in regular rotation on cable TV back in the day that was near impossible to pass up on. For my money there’s nothing more festive than the image of Norris holding two Uzi’s in his hand in a shopping mall at Christmas (see photo below).

No one messed with Chuck’s Christmas then, and they sure as hell still wouldn’t dare to now; watch the movie and find out why for yourself.

Chuck Norris gives ’em hell in 1985’s Invasion U.S.A.

3. First Blood (1982):

The one that by all means started it all on this list. Sylvester Stallone (for those keeping count he’s now featured in three of the films on this list) stars as John Rambo, a down and out Vietnam vet just trying to pass through small town America when he’s hassled by the local sheriff (played brilliantly by Brian Dennehy). What ensues is nothing short of mayhem.

There’s no denying this is definitely one of the more “dreary” films on the list, with the setting taking place in a rain-filled Hope, Washington (although actually filmed in British Columbia). But by its conclusion, Rambo is fully lighting up the town (with an arsenal of explosions of course), and just in time for Christmas, too.

2. Lethal Weapon (1987):

Without a doubt one of my favorite action/buddy films of all time, I legitimately struggled with putting 1987’s Lethal Weapon at number one on this list. Viewers are instantly drawn in at its very first sequence, as the tune of “Jingle Bell Rock” introduces us to the image of a beautiful young girl, under-dressed and alone in a hotel room, who quickly throws herself to her own sensless death from the top of a balcony.

The mysterious event sparks an investigation, putting two cops on the total opposites of of the spectrum – Danny Glover as the seasoned cop Roger Murtaugh on the verge of retirement, and Mel Gibson as the loose cannon with a death wish, Martin Riggs – together as partners. The film set the standard for the “buddy cop” sub genre of action films, soon to be duplicated with endless imitations. It’s an all-round flawless picture, with or without Christmas playing any part of it.

And few other movies on this list actually rival the very scene where Tom Atkins’ character is gunned down while holding a carton of eggnog, the bullet simultaneously piercing both (when I met Atkins in 2021, he actually had 8×10’s of this scene available to sign; passing on this shot in favor of a Halloween III-related signature instead was a tough decision indeed). If you’re not already familiar with any of this material, then do yourself a favor and add it to your Christmas list this year a.s.a.p.

Tom Atkins goes out with a seasonal bang in 1987’s Lethal Weapon.

1. Die Hard (1988):

Not the film that started it all, but indeed the one that opened the conversation to begin with. We all know by now that yes, Die Hard is absolutely a Christmas movie (along with its 1990 sequel as previously established in this article), and there should be no question about it by now, with most of us surely having heard the phrase “It’s Die Hard in a (fill in the blank…),” referring to its many copycats since.

If you somehow still haven’t seen it yet, here’s the rundown; Bruce Willis plays NYPD Detective John McClane, who flies out to LA to join his estranged wife Holly (Bonnie Bedelia) at a company Christmas party in LA. But before the two can even reconcile, the tower is seized by a group of terrorists, lead by the cut-throat Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber. But having not been seen by the group, McClane is able to fight them from within, while informing outside agencies of everything happening on the inside, establishing another famous “buddy cop” relationship between McClane and LAPD Sergeant Al Powell (Reginald VelJohnson).

Between the inclusion of Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” and the oft-quoted “Now I have a machine gun, Ho-ho-ho” scene, there’s no shortage of Christmas spirit among the many gun fights and explosions throughout the film. It’s first-rate action with plenty of emotional depth tied into it much like Lethal Weapon. Definitely essential viewing this (and every) holiday season.

Terrorist Tony Vreski (portrayed by actor Andreas Wisniewski) is the first of John McClane’s kills in 1988’s Die Hard.

Retrospective: 30 Years Since ‘Terminator 2: Judgment Day’ By Jesse Striewski

In the summer of 1991, there was one film causing massive worldwide hype that seemed like everyone on the planet was buzzing over; the Arnold Schwarzenegger-driven blockbuster sequel, Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Once again directed by James Cameron and co-starring Linda Hamilton as Sarah Conner (with Earl Boen also briefly returning from the first film as Dr. Silberman) along with newcomer Edward Furlong as John Conner, T2 featured breakthrough technology in movie special effects, including computer graphic imaging unlike anything else that had been seen on the big screen up to that time.

When originally released on July 3, 1991 (after premiering in L.A. on July 1), I was still just a ten-year-old kid just as excited as anyone else about the film at the time. Having already seen the first film previously at a friend’s house on a rickety old blank VHS tape (which also included the original A Nightmare on Elm Street on it), I instantly fell in love with it’s mix of action and Sci Fi/borderline horror, and still regard it as my favorite film in the franchise (it might just be me, but I preferred Arnold much more as the ‘bad guy’). But alas, when it came time for T2, I could not find anyone willing to take me to see it in the theater, even though I had the NES game, trading cards, and numerous action figures from the film, many of which I still have to this day.

In the sequel, Schwarzenegger returns as the Model 101 Terminator sent back in time, only this time around he’s there to actually protect John Conner, rather than eliminate his existence like in the first film. Robert Patrick is brought on as the new, advanced terminator sent to kill John, the T-1000. After realizing he’s a target, John entrusts the help of the Model 101 to break his mother Sarah (Hamilton) out of the mental institution she has been incarcerated in since some time after the events of the first film. The result becomes one of the most enthralling and immersive cat-and-mouse chases ever captured in cinema history.

Also notable is the the appearance of the hit Guns N’ Roses track “You Could Be Mine” in the film from the band’s then-upcoming Use Your Illusion II album. Like the movie, the song was hard-hitting, and featured an explosive music video that also saw Arnold himself briefly appear. The video helped propel the song’s success, and my want to see the film even more, and I have long since attributed it as the catalyst to my eventual love of hard rock and heavy metal music.

Actor Danny Cooksey, who played John’s equally rebellious friend Tim in the film, offered Rewind It Magazine some insight on how the song ended up being included in the film in a 2019 phone interview; “When we were in the early stages of filming, I was given a cassette of the music that was going to be used in the scene. Originally it was going to be two songs, and I believe they were “Higher Ground” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and “I Wanna Be Sedated” by the Ramones, which were, you know, both fine. But at some point I got handed another cassette, and it was an advanced copy of “You Could Be Mine,” in which case I thought I was just the coolest person on the planet since the record wasn’t even out yet!”

In the same interview, Cooksey went on to explain what it was like actually meeting Schwarzenegger on the set for the first time, in this previously-unpublished quote; “I remember somebody taking me to his trailer to meet him, and he was already dressed up in all his gear, so it was definitely a bit intimating. He was such a cool guy though, and it was such an awesome experience to be a part of it at that age.”

T2 went on to gross well over $500 million before it’s run in theaters was over, and helped define the summer ‘blockbuster’ from then on out. It would not be until 2003 before I would finally see Arnold on the big screen for the first time as the Model 101, when Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was released almost twelve years later to the date after it’s predecessor. Three more films and a short-lived TV series would also follow, all with varying results. But nothing that has come since has been remotely able to match the undeniable juggernaut that was T2. In the immortal words of Arnold himself, “Hasta la vista, baby!”

Series Review: The Walking Dead Season 10 (AMC)

Never before have I seen a series take such a steep decline in terms of writing and content as I have The Walking Dead. What once started off as such a juggernaut, has been dying a slow, painful death for a good four or five seasons now, with Season 10 being the most embarrassing one yet.

Originally airing from October of 2019 to April of 2020, the season dragged on thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic and didn’t pick back up until February of this year (with one single forgettable episode airing in the meantime in October of 2020). But no matter when they aired, the majority of the episodes remained as uninteresting as the last one.

When the season first picked back up, the heroes were still in the midst of conflict with “The Whispers,” the most bland and boring group of villains to fill the small screen since the original Scooby-Doo series back in the ’60s (and equally as laughable). Samantha Morton and Ryan Hurst lead said group of “bad guys” as Alpha and Beta, respectively, and were (thankfully) both killed off early on with little to no shock effect at all.

The show has become so overly muddled with various new characters (Princess and the “masked soldiers” come to mind) and settings, it’s become nearly impossible to keep track of (or even care to) what’s even going on. The only saving grace in recent memory were two individual episodes; one involving Father Gabriel (Seth Gilliam) and Aaron (Ross Marquand) encountering an unstable drifter (played brilliantly by Robert Patrick) while on a supply run, and Negan’s (Jeffery Dean Morgan) backstory episode last night (though unfortunately, even the latter took away some of the mystic of the character by making him into a former gym teacher. Yes, a GYM TEACHER!).

I remember watching the show the night it originally premiered (October 31, 2010) after taking my son out for a night of trick-or-treating. I instantly related with characters like Rick Grimes (Andrew Lincoln), and fell in love with the dramatic tension of the pace and writing. Since then, the show has become unrecognizable, and downright atrocious, with cast members coming and going (Danai Gurira, a.k.a. “Michonne,” is the latest to leave after this season). But thankfully, the show will finally be put out of it’s own misery after season eleven (with of course even more spin-offs than the ones already going, which both have more or less surpassed their source material at this point). If you’ve never watched an episode of The Walking Dead in your life, do yourself a favor, and do not start with a later season like this. Hell, even if you do start from the beginning, don’t waste your time, and just skip the last few pitiful seasons altogether (I certainly wish I had).

Rating: 1.5/5 Stars